We were disturbed to receive the following letter (which is presented seperately from the normal Letters page) because it indicates the start of a hooligan fringe in Bluegrass circles - Ed.

I hereby wish to complain, in the strongest possible terms, about the judging of the Yorkshire Dales Festival Banjo Competition, which was blatantly fixed. A fraud. A con. The books were cooked, the judge was bent.

My team mate and I were clear winners. Impartial observers described our rendition of Old Joe Clarke as extremely ‘creative’. A modern, heavily chromatic delivery, improvised around a liberal interpretation of the chord structure. Our unique and innovative timing displayed a wide range of artistic influences, from Thelonius Monk to Jimi Hendrix in his more stoned moments.

A whole host of events has raised grave concerns, even suspicions, about the judging:

1. A member of the so-called ‘winning team’ was seen creeping up behind one competitor during the first OJC, and interfering with his trouser fastening. This resulted in the victim completing the competition in his underpants, trousers round his ankles.

2. The dope test result was not made public, even though one of the “winners” displayed unmistakable signs of being alcohol-assisted.

3. Contrary to all rules, a team of three, all tied together, was allowed to enter. Their “banjo” looked suspiciously like a mandolin and a fiddle. In a surprising ruling, the judge deemed that these instruments were in fact, for the purposes of the competition, a banjo.

4. A Steward’s Enquiry was requested when the judge announced his highly controversial decision. This request was ignored.

5. Shortly after the competition, the “winning” team (a pair of extremely shady characters), were seen in the pub adjoining the festival site, openly buying a beer for the judge.

6. The overall attitude of the judges, and the giggling crowd of spectators, was inappropriate and flippant. They treated the event as though it were merely a bit of light-hearted fun, rather than the serious, hotly-contested banjo competition that it is.

Whilst I will sportingly agree that “it’s the taking part, not the winning that counts”, such unprofessional conduct on the part of the organisers can only harm this annual event. Unless something is done, the competition is in danger of damaging its status as Britain’s most respected and prestigious banjo contest.

Yours, in deep disgust,

Bernie Ross, LondonWrite to

Photo: Cheats Richard Collins (A Band Like Alice) & Harry Whale (with Chris Harrison, fiddle)

Well, don’t ever say we are afraid to print criticism!
I had to let the Organisers see it before I could publish it. They have replied as follows - see below. And we have acquired an underground photo of the alleged cheats. Ed:

The Committee replies to Bernie Ross:
Photo left: Committee representative.

Dear Editor

Thank you for giving me prior sight of the scurrilous letter and so called investigative article concerning the ‘Old Jo Clarke’ competition at the recent Yorkshire Dales festival. I know you are not afraid of controversy and fearless in the search for truth. As Curator of the Dalebilly Museum, Howarth, I am also chairman of the Dalebilly Games rules committee. In that capacity I have carried out a full and far reaching investigation and can find no evidence to support the account given by Mr.Ross.

This investigation produced a point by point rebuttal of the so called allegations.

1. I did notice Mr.Ross with his shorts round his ankles mooning at the judges. We took this to be his giving us his interpretation of “The Full Bronte” while he and his fellow competitor played what sounded like Blue Moon of Ken Tardley, the well known Dalebilly tune.

2. Sadly my assistant drank the urine sample by mistake. This was witnessed by many in the crowd. I can report that he suffered no ill effects and won the 2. 30 at York the next day.

3. No teams of 3 were entered nor did the judges spot any fiddles or mandolins. I suggest Mr.Ross was suffering from impaired vision at the time. One team of two “Ageing Cajuns” was however accompanied by their personal physician Dr. Goetz from Schleswig-Holstein-Pils. This maybe what Mr.Ross is alluding to.

4. The request for a stewards enquiry was not received through proper channels. All requests should have been made in joined up writing, with a £20 non returnable fee attached to the request. (See How to Run a Bluegrass Festival, Section 4 Competitions, para 3b. Requesting a Stewards Enquiry. BBMA Publications)

5. I must protest in the strongest terms that ours is a family festival and the sale of alcohol is not permitted, neither is any open display of adult beverages allowed on the festival site. I had not met the two winning contestants prior to the competition nor been out drinking with them since.

6. I resent the remarks that we do not take our heritage games seriously. We are great upholsterers of Northern traditions and have proudly submitted a report to the Guinness Book Records verifying the winner’s time as a new world record.

I echo Mr.Ross’s sentiments that the competition is in danger of having its reputation damaged and we would be happy to sweep these allegations under the carpet as soon as possible. I have offered my resignation to the Dalebilly Games Committee but it was refused. I think the resulting vote of confidence and increase in stipend speak for themselves.

I believe Mr.Ross’s attack is a blatant pretence at electioneering for the post of Chairman of the BBMA. A post he surely must be disbarred from by his continued residence in Denmark.

Unless any of your listeners can provide pictorial evidence to support Mr.Ross’s allegations I will declare the matter closed on publication of your next issue.

For the benefit of your readers here are the rules:

• The Old Joe Clarke Three Legged Banjo Races Rules
• Competitors, normally bipeds, will be in teams of two. (total 4 legs)
• Each team will be allowed one banjo. One team member will fret the banjo with their left hand the other team member will pick or frail it with their right hand.
• Each team will have two of its’ four legs tied together for the duration of the race.
• Once under starter’s orders teams will be required to play 1 verse and chorus of Old Joe Clarke, ‘run’ a short distance to a designated place, stop, play another verse and chorus of Old Joe Clarke, return to the starting point and play another verse and chorus of Old Joe Clarke.
• If you fall and break your leg don’t come running to us!
• International Olympic Committee dope tests rules in force. Refusal to supply a urine sample will mean immediate disqualification and confiscation of the banjo.
• Fastest time will be a new Dalebilly all-comers and World Record and will be submitted to the Guinness Book of Records.

Ken Tardley,

Wuthering Heists, Howarth, West YorkshireWrite to

26th Nov 1999