We have obtained a leaked copy of a report due to be published in the April Transactions of The University Of Riley Department of Jamology, on its’ findings from a study showing that Monroe Syndrome cures rap.

In a six month study conducted in the homes of Monroe Syndrome sufferers it was found that if one member of the family was stricken, the other members of the family were prone to watch less television. Watching less TV, the study says, leads to less watching of music videos by the study family children. With the lack of the influence by the “square baby-sitter” and MTV “Yo RAPS!” children were more likely to participate in the creation of music in the home.

Monroe Syndrome is a general term that covers other similar syndromes centred around string instruments like the banjo, mandolin, string bass and guitar. The non-lethal malady is highlighted by the sufferer being in good spirits. Other symptoms include the compulsive desire to buy “another” instrument and frequenting purveyors of fine stringed instruments on lunch hours.

Family members become enablers by smiling more and encouraging continued visits to local pubs and parks where other sufferers gather. These gatherings are highlighted by group therapy sessions spontaneously erupting. Many sessions end in a flurry of emotion and laughter. The gatherings end with a mass ceremony where victims give comfort in the form of applause to those stricken with the most severe form of Monroe Syndrome, Professional Monroe Syndrome.

The lead researcher when asked if Monroe Syndrome was a direct cure for rap he stated “Heck no, but it is rather a nice side-effect. “

There is no cure nor treatment for Monroe syndrome and it is highly contagious. There is also no other research for a cure at this time.

Brad Odland, Wisconsin. baodland@hotmail.com

Updated 1st March 1999