The Association for the Centre of the Universe
Annual General Meeting of the ACU 2003
At the Great Fountain, Café Chabot, Aiguèze

Opening the meeting

This year's meeting was easier to arrange because not many members could attend. But it was still difficult.

As usual the president got everyone's attention by saying "Everyone must now buy a litre of the Official Drink, vin rosé!" It always works.

The Official Tops (photo, right) were spun as required by the Constitution to a great chant of "ACU! ACU! ACU!"

Following Robbie's suggestion (AGM 2002) that it could be the ACU who were drunk and not the axis of the universe that had tilted, very careful note was made as to why we had difficulty in spinning the Tops correctly.

The Holy Fountain was saluted and the meeting was called to order.  

Apologies for absence were received from:
 

  • Dr. Pierre Grignard explained (later): "My sun watch tells the approximate time but not the date, unfortunately. That is why I am 4 days late arriving."

  • Pierre also apologised for the absence of Vice Président Jeanette Grignard. Jeanette is very ill and unfit to travel, but was represented by her effigy, suitably positioned next to a litre of the Official Drink, vin rosé (photo right). 

  • Herr Felix Schenker (Technical Director) who could not attend because his wife Barbara is ill.

  • Legal Representative Tom Drohan (Membre Apprentis, San Francisco) apologised for not coming. He had not raised enough money from 'Ambulance Chasing' to pay for the aeroplane fare from San Francisco...

  • Frau Renate Wenten (Mme La Bibliotheque) and Herr Theo Wenten (Treasurer) were unable to attend because the German Government had forbidden teachers in germany from taking holidays in July.
    Renate and Theo's photographs were present instead (see the photo below).

  • Mme Jaqueline Laruell (right, with Serge) said she thinks the meetings are silly and is not attending. She is correct, of course.
    More wine for us!

  • No-one has heard from Local Representative M.Laurent Vecillia (photo).

Attendees / Les membres present

Only The President, Minister without Portfolio, Secretary, Mme Ambassador, Renate and Theo's photographs, and Jeanette's effigy arrived in time for the start of the meeting. Serge arrived late as usual because he prefers to eat at his apartment.

Report of the 2003 Meeting

The minutes, as published on this ACU website, were approved unanimously. M.Le Président (who doubles a Webmaster) was thanked and congratulated on his efforts to promote the high standing of the ACU.

Officers Reports 

  • M. Le President Derek reported that he is finding it hard work trying to keep everyone in order. He said, "I know that the objective of the ACU is to drink a lot of rosé wine and get drunk, but members are taking it too seriously and drinking far too much. You all become so drunk that it is almost impossible to conduct the meeting." Next he directed everyone to drink the Official Presidential Litre of Rosé, thus encouraging more drunkenness. (MAADOOD).
     
  • Mme. la Vice Président (Jeanette): No Jeanette! No report! But... more time to drink wine! More time for Serge to think about winning at boules (bowls) (below)

           Serge teaches Jean good technique, while Amei and Robbie wait their turn.
     
  • Mme La Secretaire: Amei explained how she and Robbie had been to Cambodia  on behalf of the ACU to see if it was ready for incorporation into the ACU. She reported that it was impossible to understand what the Cambodians said and, in any case, they were too poor to fly to France.

    Amei then produced a report in Chinese and read it out loud. She read each line first in Chinese then in German and English. It was very funny. All members and everyone at the bar  stopped drinking wine to listen!     (MAADOOD)
    Click here to read Amei's speech
        
  • Robbie, The Minister Without Portfolio: Robbie proposed that we spend the remaining money from the Eu50 that Felix had donated in 2002. This money was still with Treasurer Theo, who would not arrive until August. So the President was ordered to provide the money and get it back from Theo later. It wasfor the President but for everyone else!
     
  • M.le Trésorier/Treasurer, Herr Theo Wenten, who was absent, sent a report: "I have the 50 Euros that Felix sent last year. If we have a supplementary meeting in August I will give them to you!" So everyone said, "Theo is a wonderful Treasurer." MAADOOD   Photo of Theo 
  • Directeur Technique/Technical Director: Felix did not send a report, but he had already sent 50 Euros and money speaks louder than words!
     
  • Mme l'Ambassadrice Jean reported that she and Le President have visited Legal Representative Tom Drohan in San Francisco twice since the last meeting. She reported that he is taking his ACU membership seriously by drinking a lot of wine and wearing his ACU T-shirt with pride. Again Chabot Rosé was taken and many "ACU! ACU! ACU!" chants were heard. (MAADOOD)
     
  • Mme La Bibliothécaire/Librarian-Archivist Renate Wenten: Renate (photo, right) reported: "Theo and I feel very sorry for missing the ACU meeting but we think our pictures will be wonderful representatives. If we have models from every member we all can stay away and there would be no stress for Annie. Instead we could all come to the lovely farmyard near here. There we can eat and drink delicious things. Also, with such a quiet company we could invite Jeanette the chicken to make a little noise."

    Everyone thought this was a good idea. It will be investigated further.

    Amei, Derek, Renate, Theo, Robbie, Jean, Jeanette

                           
    After seeing the 'proxy Wentens' on sticks (photo, above), Renate sent this supplementary report in September 2003:

    A famous German author - Heinrich Boell - wrote a story about a family who had to celebrate Christmas every day because otherwise the mother screamed terribly (she became crazy when the family wanted to remove the tree). After a while they replaced the members of the family by actors and dolls. Only the priest had to stay and there is an angel who says 'peace, peace, peace' all the time until he's hoarse!"

    She then asked Derek to "put up only a half my picture for next year. I had to promise Annie to come with the same weight, and this is hard work at the moment with all my cakes and other sweets I like!" She also said, "Derek, I hope your central heating is working again or you have to drink double the ration of French wine and there will not be enough to last up to the next holidays."
     
  • Legal Representative: Tom Drohan did not send a report so he is to be given a fine of US$10, to be used for buying wine.
     
  • Chef des Boules Serge proudly reported that the ACU continued to win at Boules on the Boulodrôme in the Place. However he is playing less boules because it interrupts his beer drinking time. (MAADOOD).
  • Local Representative/Représentant Local: Absent, so no report.

Changes to the Constitution: 

  • Robbi (Minister without Portfolio) commented that because the Wentens cannot attend the AGM we need more members. He proposed that "Any Membre Apprentis or Associate Member who attends three Annual General Meetings and buys a litre of vin rosé each time can be promoted to Full Member Status."
    This was approved unanimously.  (MAADOOD).
  • Robbi (Minister without Portfolio) proposed that the ACU should expand it's influence by having a Representative for the Southern Hemisphere.
     
  • Amei proposed that the ACU should have an Official Banner. She had already made one and showed it. The new Banner, seen in the Pre-AGM photo below, was accepted unanimously. Also on the photo are members Jean and Jeanette, and the Presidential Litre of the Official Drink..



    The centrepiece of the banner is a white chicken (immortalising Jeanette) on a red background. The crest is the Holy Fountain and below is the Presidential Motto 'Carpe Vinum'. If you are clever you will discern the letters ACU at both sides of the flag.
     
  • The President proposed that the ACU adopt a Presidential Motto and an Association Motto. Suggestions had already been made and were adopted unanimously. The new mottos are:
    • Presidential: Carpe Vinum (Sieze the wine!)
    • Association: Semper imbibum vinum, sed aliquot variat!
      (Always drinking wine, only the amount changes!)

New Members:

  • Serge proposed Pierre "Le Moustache" as Membre Apprentis. He said, "At the World Cup 1998 Le Moustache correctly predicted the final score (France 3, Brazil 0) before the game started. Anyone with such predictive powers must be a worthy member of the ACU!" A vote was taken and the result was unanimously in favour.
     
  • Robbie proposed Annie Fricaud (Patron, Café Chabot; photo, right) as Membre Apprentis. He said "Annie has served us well for many years, so we must encourage her to continue. Regrettably, she let us down by changing the Menu without consulting us. But possibly if she is a Member we can have some special privileges." Everyone else thought there was no possibility of 'special privileges' but still voted unanimously in favour of Annie.

    Derek presents Chris (below, right) with his Official T-Shirt at his 60th birthday party

    Amei proposed Dr.Chris Barley, of Brisbane, Australia as Membre Apprentis. She said, "Chris has shown full acceptance of the objectives and principles of the ACU and even invited members to attend his 60th Birthday Party, held at Le Mas. Furthermore, he brought with him 6 other Australians. All are racing cyclists and completed a section of the 2003 Tour de France as well as making ascents of nearby Mont Ventoux by all routes".

    Important Note: All three new members are to have their official membership ceremonies at the meeting in July 2004

Election of Officers:
 

  • The positions of President, Minister Without Portfolio, Secretary, Treasurer, Chef de Boules, Ambassador, Technical Director, Librarian/Archivist:

    Robbi proposed (in English), "I propose that the old Committee has worked very hard, so I think everyone should keep their old positions! Yes! ACU!"
    The President objected again, but was told to shut up and do as he is told.
     
  • Vice-President:
    Robbie proposed that although Jeanette (the chicken) was quite ill and depressed we should re-elect her to keep her happy. Madame Ambassadrice objected, saying, "It is OK wanting to make her happy, but she is too sick to attend. I propose Annie Fricaud as Vice-President." Annie agreed to be Vice-President because the honour would vastly enhance her standing in Aiguèze and make a lot more people buy food and drinks.

    A Vote was held and the result was : Annie: 4 votes, Jeanette: 3 votes.
    So Annie beat the chicken by 1 vote.

    Supplementary report on Jeanette:
    Photo - Pierre prepares to operate

    In October 2003, after receiving a communique from Pierre Grignard, The President posted this bulletin:

    "We are sad to report that Jeanette (Vice President of the ACU 2002-2003) has continued to be sick, suffering from severe depression. In an attempt to alleviate the problem Dr. Pierre Grignard (ACU Membre Normale) has operated to perform a Frontal Lobotomy in room 212 of the Hôpital Psychiatrique de Lyon.

    "Despite her failing to make the expected recovery, Jeanette nonetheless stood for the position of Vice President 2003-2004 at the recent Annual General Meeting at Aiguèze. Annie Fricaud (Patron of the Café Chabot at Aiguèze) opposed her and won the position by one vote. Unfortunately Jeanette was not present in person, but was represented only by her effigy, which was unable to speak. This is probably why Annie won the election.

    Photo:Frontal lobotomy
    (this is the real Jeanette)

    "Jeanette is reported to have become even more depressed at losing to Annie. In turn, Annie is reported to be dismayed to have won by only one vote against a psychologically depressed chicken.

    "Pierre Grignard has reported that if Jeanette's condition continues to deteriorate he may have to remove life support as early as the end of September. While this will render Jeanette ineligible for the position of Vice President, it will make her acceptable to stand as Official Mascot. Or President?"
     
  • Representative for the Southern Hemisphere:
    Two nominations were received for this important position:
    1. Amei proposed Chris Barley.
    2. The President proposed an Eskimo he once received an Write to from, saying, "Chris Barley is crazy - he is a pot-holer (spéleologue)."

    Everyone including the President and Jeanette voted for Chris after Amei explained, "At least Chris Barley lives in Australia but the Eskimo is not a even member of the ACU!"
    Chris was appointed in his absence: he was in Paris witnessing the end of the Tour de France. A report will be expected at the 2004 AGM.

Any Other Business 

  • Serge proposed: "The Effigy of Jeanette has the letters 'ACU' on its rear, so the Official ACU Chant should be 'Ah, Son Cul' ". Although everyone thought it was very funny, they also thought it was a little too rude for a prestigeous organisation such as the ACU.

  • Mme La Secretaire is to write a Letter of Complaint to the German Chancellor asking why the Wenten members cannot have vacations to attend the ACU Meetings.

  • Amei is to write to Barbara Schenker on behalf of the ACU wishing her a speedy recovery.

  • The Minister Without Portfolio is to send 1kg of vitamin-reinforced chicken food to Jeanette.

  • Mme La Secretaire is to write to Southern Hemisphere Representative Chris Barley to ask for a report for the 2004 AGM.

Date of the next meeting
This was provisionally set to be July 2004 

Closing the meeting: Singing the Official Hymn.

Once more copies of the Official Anthem (modified) were distributed to everyone at the bar. The anthem was sung with great feeling by all present, rising to a crescendo on the last verse "A C U". It was a great success and Annie was very pleased, but still not pleased enough to send a free drink.

There being no other business, the President spun the Official Tops and the meeting was closed. "ACU! ACU! ACU!"

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Updated 22nd Feb 2004