 The Association for the Centre of the Universe
The ACU Theory of the Universe The Modern Theory of the Universe,
as proposed and adopted by the "ACU, is based on the principle that animate people are more important than inanimate things. This is clearly true, because if there were no people then the existence of the Universe would be unknown (but see footnote). It has been shown by many great scientists that, overall, all things will "fall", or otherwise tend to gravitate, towards a single point, which might be equivalent to the Centre of the Universe. Even though not all the proposals of these learned scientists are accepted by us, we do accepttheir premise of "gravitation". Based upon three points, namely:- the demonstrable existence of gravity,
- the fact that people are most important, and
- the fact that the same several people gravitate towards Aiguèze every summer,
it was concluded that Aiguèze mustbe the Centre of the Universe.
Hence the ACU Theory of Gravity was proposed thus:
- The Weak Force:
Any person visiting Aiguèze and consuming enough of the Official Drink, Vin Rosé, in the presence of other members of the ACU, will experience an apparently irresistible force acting upon them. This force will tend to attract them to the floor. However, it can be overcome by an opposite force applied by still-capable ACU members (if any). The Weak Force can be resisted.
- The Strong Force:
Anyone who has once experienced the Weak Force will forever after feel an overwhelming need to revisit Aiguèze. This urge will increase as Summer approaches and will eventually become irresistable around the month of July. The effects of the Strong Force cannot be resisted.
Does the Universe rotate?
Most traditional theories predict that the Universe does not rotate. However a space-time discovered in 1949 by Kurt Gödel requires that the Universe be rotating with respect to the directions that little gyroscopes or "tops" point in. This is in complete agreement with our theory - that it does actually rotate is well-known to all ACU members who have consumed a sufficient volume of the Official Drink. Furthermore, we have identified Aiguèze as the centre of rotation. Note: In recognition of Gödel's work we have adopted the Gödel Top or "The Official Top" as one of our Official Symbols. There is important Experimental Evidence for this theory.
The Centre of Rotation
Since we knew that Aiguèze was the centre of the Universe, it only remained to discover the centre of rotation. This problem was solved when an Official Research Party realised, after consuming the requisite volume of the Official Drink, that the Great Statue in the Fountain by Cafe Chabot (the bar at Aiguèze) is, in fact, only a protective cover for the Great Axle upon which the Universe rotates. To overcome the problem of lubrication, grease is injected under pressure by a nearby disused water pump. The Creator of The Great Statue placed four access tubes into the side of the Fountain. Water emerges from three of these, but the fourth is dry. This dry pipe was originally thought to be the Great Grease Nipple through which lubricant is injected, but recent researches have shown it to be a high-pressure release valve. But it is still affectionately referred to as the Great Grease Nipple by most people. The Great Statue is of fundamental importance to all true followers of the principles of the ACU. Not only is it saluted at the beginning of every Official Meeting; during Ordinary Meetings members try to sit as close to it as possible, except when the Official Mascot is bathing or otherwise recreating in the Great Fountain The Great Attractor
In 1981 astronomer Allan Dressler set about extending prior work by others in mapping the three dimensional structure of a significant part of the Universe. The purpose was to investigate the fine motion of galaxies (independent of the Hubble Expansion) that might be due to the elusive so-called “dark matter.” They discovered that our own Galaxy (the Milky Way) and its neighbours are all streaming towards a distant point roughly in the direction of the Centaurus constellation. They found that galaxies spanning nearly 100 million light-years are converging under gravity towards a place 150 million light-years from our Galaxy, to a gravity source of mass 10^17 times that of our own Sun! They called it The Great Attractor You will not be surprised to learn that the concept of The Great Attractor exists in the ACU Theory of The Universe. It was recognised by early ACU members as the source of the Strong Force and has since been identified as the Bar at the Café Chabot in Aiguèze. Whilst not as strong an overall force as Dressler’s discovery, its’ effects are much more strongly felt locally because of its' close proximity to us. 
And we hope that, by now, you are smiling too!
And you've probably concluded that it's a load of (coloured) balls! Return to Home page
Footnote
Associate Member (1998) John Keegan writes:
This is an over-simplification:
Firstly, if there were no people, the Universe could still be known by other sentient beings, if they exist elsewhere. We don't knowwhether they do exist or not, therefore it is not strictly "clearly true" yet! However since other sentient beings are unknown at present it is true to all intents and purposes. Secondly - On the difference between the environment (inanimate) and people (animate). While it is possible to have an environment without people, it is not possible to have people without an environment. Therefore The Modern Theory takes account of the importance of inanimate objects (environment) whilst recognising the dominance of the animate (people).  Acknowledgement: We are grateful to Associate Member and Astrological Advisor John "JK" Keegan (right), of the Planet:Earth Centre, Bacup Road, Todmorden, Lancs, OL14-7HW, UK., for these observations. Tel: +44 (0)1706-816964.
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Experimental Evidence for the ACU Theory:
Associate Member (1999) Gerhard Pehland, of Munich, Germany, writes: (August 1998)“Thank you for the information about this important ACU website. It finally explains a car breakdown we had about 50 miles north of the Center of The Universe in the early eighties on our way to the Toulouse Bluegrass Music Festival. Parts of the engine were actually falling through the bottom of the car (this is a true story). It is now clear to me that this was caused by the extraordinary gravity as we came closer to the Center of The Universe. And, during the three days we had to spend in the village of St.Donat I could feelthe spinning too, especially in the evenings. I don't dare to imagine what this must be like if you come even closer to the center! "It is a frightening thought ... you ACU folks must be tough!"
Gerhard adds (June 1999):I have discovered that you can get the spinning and gravity effects as far from the center of the universe as Munich, Germany. All you have to do is to increase the dose you use for the test. Give it a try, you will be surprised. It might work in England too, or as far away as the USA! The only problem is, when you are again capable of documenting your scientific test results, there seems to be some kind of black hole in your brain, which has absorbed all memories about the test. You know that you could feel it during the test, but all the valuable details are gone. But of course, that is not holding me back from conducting more experiments. I'll keep you updated about the test results, if there are any, ever......
write to Gerhard>>
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Updated 31st August 2000
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